Botanic gardens

It was my first time in the royal botanic gardens in Edinburgh – we are so lucky to have such a place filled with nature in the middle of the city.

This trip just emphasised the truth of Romans 1:20

There are things about him that people cannot see—his eternal power and all the things that make him God. But since the beginning of the world those things have been easy to understand by what God has made.

in an age of cynicism

choose to love,

choose to trust instead.

throw away judgement and scrutiny,

pick up hope and optimism.

it’s easy to pick out the faults and failures,

but what if we looked at each other

and at society

-ourselves-

with eyes

searching for the good,

and not the bad?

maybe we’ll find that we don’t need to strive for self-improvement;

and instead

we just need to learn to appreciate

ourselves.

My future

So, Highers are coming up, as you’ve heard me repeatedly say on this blog in the midst of swirling anxiety and stress. Less than 2 weeks now before my first exam. I have every inclination to feel stressed – except these words cause me to falter in my anxieties:

11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 You will find me when you seek me, if you look for me in earnest.

I can trust that God has my future in His hands. The whole reason why Highers are built up to be all that they’re built up to be is because of the weight they are given for our futures – universities look at these exam results and decide whether they want you based on those letters. But what if I tell you that our future does not have to be defined by what grades we get in these exams! It is so easy to get caught up in the feelings of needing to prove ourselves and the pressures of perfection and performance – but we can only do our best. And God will do the rest of it.

“In those days when you pray, I will listen.” > God will hear our desires and honour them as we seek Him. God has the best idea of what our future should hold and will make it happen if we let Him. God will help us when we ask for help during tough times of trial and testing – He will give us the help we need during exams, if we simply ask!

We can have hope and confidence because God will provide for us and we can look forward to what God has in store!

Proverbs 31:25

25 She is strong and is respected by the people.
    She looks forward to the future with joy.

Our futures don’t rest on these exams; we can place our future in God’s hands. There is something so reassuring in knowing that I don’t have to carry myself alone, that I don’t need to put so much pressure on myself – I don’t have to carry all these burdens on my own: Jesus says:

Matthew 11:28

28 “Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. 

I’m trying so hard to trust in God and rely on Him – I can’t bring about the future God wants me to have in my own strength, I can’t even comprehend the amazing plans He has for me. These are words to live by and take comfort in and find hope in:

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust the Lord with all your heart,
    and don’t depend on your own understanding.
Remember the Lord in all you do,
    and he will give you success.

stress

It’s coming up to the Easter holidays and that means that highers are soon and that means that I’ll have to be ready to take the exams soon – AGH. I am so scared about these exams but I’m doing my best, I’m working really hard when I can but I’m still not satisfied. I just need to work work work

just gotta keep on working. come on.

nostalgia

In January I went for a weekend to Northern Ireland to see my cousins and Grandparents. For some reason the whole weekend was just a nostalgic, reflective dream – throughout the whole weekend I felt this verge-of-tears feeling as all of these memories just started coming back. There was something quite reverent about it too though, I really felt like I had to cherish each memory and savour it because they’re what my life is built from. I was remembering so many things: the excitement as we drove up the road to my Granda’s house; the smarties and milky buttons we would eat whilst reading our magazine that Granda had gotten us; riding in Granda’s wheelbarrow in the front yard; Granda marking our heights against the wooden post in the back garden… And that was just from coming home to my Granda’s house. I found all of these other memories tucked in between slices of bread fed to the ducks at the duck pond; or just sparked by other memories that had come before. I felt almost an anxiety to try and retain all of these precious memories – so, I decided to write them all down in my journal. There is nothing as satisfying as seeing little bubbles of your life down on paper.

Fridge magnet poems

A few weeks ago I got a Magnetic Poetry Kit which I thought would be great to use in times of writer’s block… I don’t really think it’s good to project your own voice through poetry but it’s so fun to get inspiration from and to just do for fun. The words are just there to take, there are no hours of agonizing over what word you mean but can’t seem to find…

Here are a few I did:

our life is summer love

in a dream of milky smears of rain water

beneath a sweet honey sun

and a rose sky.

 

these days could trudge through clouds of rain

and my feet can beat steadily on the ground

but I can never outrun my shadow.

 

you are swirling in whispers

of eloquent language

but I am here with raw words

glistening on my skin.